Secrets, Secrets, Are No Fun
by xoxofandomgirl
Summary: "I like Wilson, okay? Happy now?" Alex thundered. "Are you happy that the world has a screwed up sense of humor? Happy that all these years I've gotten dozens of interns to practically worship me, and the one I can't, I fall in love with? Well, congratulations, Yang! Good job." A take on 9x21 and 9x22. Jolex one-shot but may continue. Rated T for innuendo.
1. Surprise!

Cristina really shouldn't have been surprised. This was not an uncommon sight now: seeing an intern walking around half-naked in her kitchen, looking for something to drink. Still, it managed to shock Cristina every time. It wasn't even the actual occurrence that really threw her off her guard anymore; it was how normally everyone treated it, like it was something that was completely and utterly typical.

At least in Cristina's case, it most definitely was not.

"Oh, hello, Dr. Yang," Jo greeted. She was clad in her usual t-shirt and underwear as she opened up drawer after drawer. "You know, you'd think I'd have realized by this point that Alex doesn't own any cups, but every morning I still hope that he might've gotten some." Jo sighed and slammed the final drawer shut. "How'd you sleep?"

"I, um – fine," Cristina answered, grabbing her wallet off the countertop. "Do you know where Alex is?"

"I think he's in the shower," Jo told her. She turned on the faucet and looked at it cautiously. "Do you actually drink out of the sink?"

Cristina ignored the last part. "Alright, tell him I left and that I need to talk to him at the hospital. Something about his patient with the heart defect," Cristina said. Jo nodded her understanding, and Cristina turned and walked to the door determinedly, slamming it slightly on the way out.

* * *

"Wilson said you needed to talk to me," Alex stated, running to meet up with Cristina by reception. "Something about my patient with DiGeorgio's. I'm going into surgery in about twenty minutes so make it quick."

Cristina turned around unhurriedly. "I lied."

"Okay, then. Thanks for nothing," Alex said. He began to walk away but was stopped by Cristina's voice.

"I didn't lie about needing to talk to you," Cristina pointed out.

Alex sighed. "Like I said, I've got – " he looked at his watch, "18 minutes before my next surgery. So, go."

"Wilson needs to stop staying at our place," she told him. "It's weird for me to find her half-dressed in our house every morning from whatever _things_ you two were doing the night before. It's disgusting and unprofessional."

"Three things. Number one, it's _my_ house, not ours," Alex reminded her. "Number two, you don't think it's weird for me to see Owen in the mornings after you two go at it?" Cristina shrugged. "And number three, Jo has a boyfriend. So, whatever things you think we're doing, I promise we are not." Cristina couldn't help but notice his jaw set as he talked about Jo's boyfriend.

"That bothers you, doesn't it? That she has a boyfriend?" Cristina asked incredulously.

"Shut up," Alex warned her, looking around warily.

"I mean, I knew you wanted to sleep with her, but this? I never knew that you were capable of actually – " Cristina stopped for dramatic effect, "_liking_ an intern!"

"I told you to shut it," Alex growled.

"Feisty this morning, aren't we?" Cristina retaliated. Alex shot her a glare. "Alright. Just talk to Wilson about her staying over all the time. She could at least start paying rent."

"Fine," Alex relented. He started to walk away, but Cristina stopped him again.

"Unless, that is, you two figure out some _other_ way for her to pay you."

"Go to Hell, Yang!"

* * *

"Can I scrub in?" Cristina asked, holding a surgical mask over her mouth. Jo looked up and gave her a small wave, which Cristina awkwardly returned. "Karev?"

Alex sighed. "Do you have to?"

"C'mon, it isn't everyday I get to see a baby heart. It's fun!" Cristina exclaimed, throwing a hand up in the air.

"The fact that this baby has a life-threatening heart condition is _not_ fun," Alex responded, not bothering to look up.

"So, can I take that as a yes?"

"Just be quiet, okay?" he asked her. "I'm trying to teach Wilson over here about this particular operation."

"Okay, I'll be quiet," Cristina conceded, stepping forward slightly to get a better view of the patient.

"See what I'm doing now?" Alex said, looking at Jo. "I'm wrapping this around the vein over here."

"Tightly?" Jo asked, peering at the patient's heart eagerly. "Isn't that bad for blood flow?"

Cristina smirked. Opportunities like this only came every so often. "Oh, you can wrap it as tight as you want," she reassured the intern. "Isn't that right, Dr. Karev? You can wrap around her – I mean the vein – as hard as you want?"

Alex narrowed his eyes at Cristina. "I thought we agreed that you'd be quiet. Didn't we, Dr. Yang?"

"Sorry, Dr. Karev," Cristina apologized insincerely. Alex gave her one last look before returning to his lesson.

"Now, see this hole? I'm going to take my scalpel and stick it in there so I can – "

"You would like that, wouldn't you, Dr. Wilson?" Cristina asked, turning on Jo.

"Excuse me?" Jo said.

"To watch him stick it in the hole real good."

"Dr. Yang," Alex scolded, his voice dangerously low. "I think it's time for you to leave."

"I only meant that in a surgical way, pervert," Cristina said disapprovingly, but still she walked out of the O.R., leaving Alex and Jo in awkward silence.

* * *

"Yang!" Alex shouted as he pounded through the hallways. "I'm going to kill that woman," he muttered to himself, swinging open the door to the attendings' lounge with alarming force.

Sure enough, Cristina sat on the couch, acting as if she hadn't almost just ruined Alex's entire life.

"What the hell was that?" he exclaimed. It was clear by his tone that this was not a rhetorical question; he wanted an answer, and he wanted it now.

"Man up," Cristina said simply, standing up to make herself some coffee. "I was just teasing you a bit."

"A bit?" he shouted. "God, Cristina, you can be so stupid at times. I – I can't _deal_ with it when you do that. I know it's all just fun and games to you, but to me, this is _real_. It hurts me, Cristina, like actual, physical pain, to think about her with some other guy, so I don't need you rubbing it in my face at every turn!"

"I – I didn't know that it bothered you so much."

"Well, it does! I like Wilson, okay? Happy now?" Alex thundered. "Are you happy that the world has a screwed up sense of humor? Happy that all these years I've gotten dozens of interns to practically worship me, and the one that I can't, I fall in love with? Well, congratulations, Yang! Good job."

Cristina simply stared at him. "Alex – "

"What?" Alex seethed. "Are you going to tell me that you're sorry? That you feel bad for me? Well, guess what? I don't want your goddamn apologies, so you can take them and shove them right up your – "

Cristina pointed a trembling hand behind him, and Alex turned around swiftly. He'd never been very religious, but, in that moment, he prayed to anyone out there that the person standing behind him was not who he thought it was.

Nevertheless, Jo Wilson still stood at the door to the attendings' lounge, her face as pale as Alex's surely was. She looked as if she was about to be sick as she simply stood there in shock. "I – uh, I was looking for you," she said after a long silence, "and I just th-thought you might be in here, so – "

"Just… get out," Alex said, his voice strained. He dropped his head down to focus intently on his shoes. "Just go."

Jo walked faster than she had in her entire life, in search of a quiet place to go and process what she had just heard.

Alex sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. He groaned loudly. "This is your fault," he said, his face still in his hands. "This is all your fault."

And for once, Cristina had to admit that Alex was right.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to know your thoughts on whether or not I should continue this, so please review!**


	2. Blank

**A/N: There is an instance of strong language in this chapter. You've been warned :)**

* * *

People always say that, when put in a stressful situation, your mind goes a million miles a minute, that there are so many thoughts it's impossible to pick out a single one. Jo had always thought this was true.

It turns out she was hopelessly wrong.

Because, as she sat alone in an empty on-call room, her mind was totally blank. She sat there, expressionless, emotionless, for quite some time, and no matter how hard she willed herself to just think about something, anything, she physically could not. Finally, through the blankness in her head, emerged one coherent thought: _what?_

And then there was a tidal wave of questions, and thoughts, and confusion, and Jo was pretty sure that she might start crying, or screaming, or both. Instead, she chose to laugh.

Because of course this would happen to her, wouldn't it? Who did she think was, assuming that she could just stroll through her years an intern, only enduring the normal amount of hell? No, she was Jo Wilson, the girl whose mother was a drug addict and who lived out of a freaking car. So, of course her boss would fall in love with her. It only made sense in the hellhole she called her life.

And then she started to cry in addition to her laughter, creating a strange mixture of the two. This was her life now. This hellhole was literally her life. Now she was in hysterics, doubled over, and her eyes burned from all the tears. The odd chuckle still escaped her lips, but, even though she was laughing, she couldn't recall ever crying so much before.

It was all Alex's fault, and she knew it, too. He was the only person she'd ever met who could do this to her. He could make her laugh until she was dizzy with deliriousness. He could make her so angry that all she wanted to do was scream until her throat burned. He could make her cry until she felt like she might vomit. Jo hated it, and she loved it all at the same time.

God, she wanted to strangle him. Or kiss him.

_Wait, where the hell did that come from?_

She pushed that thought aside. The laughter was now gone entirely and had been replaced by ugly sobs. She could feel her lungs constricting with every breath, and suddenly they hurt immensely. It felt as if she was inhaling ice. It stung her lungs, and it was then she realized what was happening. But hadn't she stopped having asthma attacks when she was nine? Her breathing became more and more labored, and again her mind went blank.

So, she followed her instincts. Her adrenaline rushed her towards the door of the on-call room and made her bang on it relentlessly. She tried to scream, but it was to no avail. Finally, one thought came to mind: _I'm going to die in here_, she thought. _I'm actually going to die._

As she continued to pound, she felt a horrible sinking in her stomach as the realization fully hit her. She might actually die here if no one found her. All at once, all the people she had ever loved (which was not many) popped into her head, and Jo thought of all the things she had never told them. She'd never thanked Ms. Schmidt, never told her foster sister (at least the only one she'd ever liked) that, to Jo, she was _really_her sister, never told Alex –

"Wilson!" she heard a voice shout. She was getting terribly dizzy now, and it occurred to her somewhere in the back of her mind that her loud bangs had turned into soft taps. Her chest hurt, and it seemed that every time she tried to inhale, her breaths became faster; the faster they became, the more they stung. All she knew was that she had to lie down. The door seemed like a safe place.

Suddenly, the door swung open, causing Jo to stumble. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her. "Shit," the voice swore. "I need help! Something's wrong with Wilson!" Jo could recognize the voice, but her mind was so intent on survival that she couldn't put a face to it. "Damnit, Princess, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Jo attempted to answer, but she couldn't make any sound.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit." The arms swept her off her feet so that the mystery person was carrying her. There was one arm behind her knees, and another supported her back. From the angle her head was, she could finally see the person's face.

"Al – ex," she heaved.

"Don't talk," he commanded, running down the hallways. "Jo, I think you're having an asthma attack. I'm going to take care of it, okay? You're going to be alright."

Jo nodded. She trusted him. She knew he would take good care of her.

The chatter of doctors became louder and louder as Alex's carried her through the hall. "What's happening?" someone said. Jo was only partially sure that it was April.

"Jo's having an asthma attack," he informed her.

"I didn't even know she was asthmatic!" April exclaimed.

"Does that matter now?" Alex thundered. "Stop talking and fucking help me!"

Jo felt the breath hitch in her throat, and her sight blurred with black.

"We're losing her!" Alex cried, laying her down on the ground. "Damnit, is there a defibrillator around here?" Suddenly, Alex was kneeling on the ground next to here. "We're going to have to do CPR."

"You can't do anything while she's still conscious! You have to wait!"

Alex gulped and looked down at Jo. That was all he could do now: wait.

And through the black in her vision, Jo could make out Alex, his eyes shining with unshed tears. This would be the image engraved in her head as she felt herself relax, and the black overtook her.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please review, favorite, alert, etc.!**

**Also, to clarify, Jo is not dead, just unconscious. I could never kill her off :P**


	3. ABC

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews!**

* * *

Jo gasped as if she had just been rescued from drowning, and her eyes flew open. It took a few more strangled breaths for her to realize her situation. She was at the hospital, and she was lying in a bed. She racked her mind for any possible reason she'd be in there. Did she take a nap or something? Suddenly, she noticed a tube near her nose providing her with oxygen. Something clicked within her brain.

"Jo?" someone said softly. Jo turned her head at lightning speed to see Meredith looking at her concernedly. "How are you feeling?"

"I had an asthma attack, didn't I?" she asked her, although it wasn't really a question.

"Yes, you did," Meredith informed her.

"How?"

Meredith gave her a sly smile. "You're the intern. You tell me."

"I have a history of asthma attacks, but they stopped when I was nine. I thought they were gone, so I stopped receiving asthma medication. At the time, I was experiencing stress and strong emotion, a common link to asthma, and I was crying, an action that involves a lot of labored breathing."

"Very good," Meredith said, satisfied. "On a more serious note, you really gave us a scare."

"Why? What happened?" Jo asked. Although she remembered crying and the beginning of the attack, the rest was a blur in her mind.

"Dr. Karev was taking a walk to clear his head or something, and he heard banging coming from an empty on-call room. He opened the door and saw you clearly struggling. So, he picked you up and carried you until Dr. Kepner saw him. At that point, you were starting to lose consciousness. They didn't have enough time to hook you up to a ventilator, so they put you down and you lost consciousness almost immediately. Your heart stopped for a second there, Jo."

"I died?" she said, incredulous. "Oh, my God, I died."

"Technically, yes, but you're alive now, and that's all that matters."

"And after my heart stopped?" Jo questioned. "What did they do then?"

"Dr. Karev performed CPR on you, and Dr. Kepner went to go find a defibrillator. The CPR kept you alive long enough so that, by the time Dr. Kepner had come back with a defibrillator, she was able to restart your heart. You were still unconscious, so they carried you here, hooked you up to the ventilator, and gave you some asthma medication."

"How come neither of them are my doctors?"

"Dr. Kepner's got a lot to do today in trauma."

"Well, what about Alex?"

Meredith looked around awkwardly. "It became clear that he was, um, too emotionally attached to this case."

Jo gave her an odd look. "What do you mean he was too emotionally atta – " she started, but she cut herself off. The words she had overheard earlier that day and the image of him close to tears rushed back into her mind. "Oh."

"Don't tell him I told you this," Meredith started, "but he's been a wreck all day. He keeps checking in on you every half an hour, and when he hasn't been in here, he's been either pacing or yelling at everyone." Meredith grimaced. "It hasn't been pretty." Jo nodded curtly, clearly deep in thought. "Jo, he really likes you."

Jo groaned. "I know!" she exclaimed. "I know, okay? I know that he likes me. I wish everyone would just stop telling me, because I get it. I'm not stupid; you only have to tell me once, and I'll remember. I promise."

"Does it bother you that you know?" Meredith said, pushing her a bit.

"I – I don't know." Jo sighed. "I wish I didn't."

"Why?"

Jo laughed to herself. "I can't believe I'm telling you all this," she admitted but continued anyway. "It's kind of like learning how to read. At first, it's all just a bunch of symbols that don't mean anything to you, so you can just ignore them. But the second you find out that they mean something, you're determined to know. Then, you figure it out, and nothing's the same again."

"So you're upset because you've figured it out?"

"I'm upset because I still haven't."

Meredith nodded thoughtfully. "I get it. And you're afraid that once you do – "

"Nothing will ever be the same," Jo finished lamely. "I mean, he's my boss, Dr. Grey."

"Derek was my boss."

"Really?" she asked. "Was he also your best friend?"

"Well, he is now," Meredith countered. "Does that count?'

"He's also seven years older than me," Jo challenged, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Eight."

"And I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, that's nothing. Derek was married when he met me."

Jo laughed. "You're kidding, right? I didn't know Dr. Shepherd was married before!"

Meredith laughed with her. "Just don't go telling your intern friends, okay? You know how much gossip spreads around here."

"I won't," Jo told her. "And you're not gonna tell anyone what I told you, right? About Alex and me?"

"Of course not! What do you think I am, some sort of monster?" Meredith smiled. Jo looked at her strangely. "Oh. Right. I'm Medusa. I forgot there for a second."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Jo apologized. "You can just be a bit intimidating at times."

Meredith shrugged. "Yeah, I get it. I actually find it kind of funny." Meredith and Jo laughed again, and Jo enjoyed it: having someone to laugh with after all the stress of the day.

Speaking of stress… "You said you were gonna page me," Alex said, walking into the room. Their laughter stopped.

"She just woke up," Meredith informed him. "You know that she's been through a lot of stress; I didn't want to overwhelm her."

"Bullshit. I'm her best friend, Mer. You can't leave me in the dark like that," Alex told her. It was silent for a moment as the two stared each other down.

"Thank you," Jo said, breaking the silence. "You, uh, kind of saved my life out there."

"That was sort of the point," Alex countered.

Meredith looked at Jo. "I think I'm gonna go now." Jo nodded her approval, and Meredith slipped out the door.

"What's up your ass?" she demanded once Meredith had gone. "I know it must've been scary for you to see me like that, but that doesn't give you – "

"Scary?" Alex seethed. "Scary doesn't even begin to describe it. That was freaking terrifying, like falling-off-a-bridge terrifying. Damnit, Jo, I don't think I'd be able to survive if you ever did anything like that again."

"Well, excuse me for having an asthma attack."

"Don't make this about you," Alex growled. "I thought you were dead. I thought you weren't coming back. I thought I'd never get to talk to you again."

"I love how me dying has suddenly become worse for you than for me."

"Because it would be, Jo," Alex admitted. "If you'd died out there, at least you'd have been dead. The suffering would've been over. But I would've been worse than dead, Jo. I'd be alive, sure, but I'd be dead on the inside, and isn't that worse? I'd have to deal with the fact that I could never have a chance with you. I don't know if I even do now, but at least you're alive, and as long as you're alive, I'm going to keep fighting until I have one."

Jo stared at him for a bit. "I – I never said you didn't have a chance."

He didn't seem to be listening. "It was the only thing I could think of that whole time: that I'd never _let_ you give me a chance," Alex said, his voice strained.

Jo's heart beat ridiculously loudly in her chest at his words. Its rhythm was the one thing that kept her grounded as Alex stepped forward and captured her lips with his own.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, favorite, follow, etc.!**


End file.
